Last things crammed in

Last night, I spent a long time dividing my now vastly expanded luggage into two equal piles. 15 shirts in the left pile, 15 in the right, 2 saucepans in the left pile, 2 in the right and 2 in the hand luggage pile. 1, 1 beaded salwar kameeez, 10, 10 packs of spices, 2, 2 novels, 2, w2 tiffin tins etc etc. At the end of the process there were 2 bulging piles, looking not unlike the checkout counter at Shoppers Stop in Bangalore. Bearing in mind that I came over with 16kg, it was difficult to gauge now how much more luggage I had acquired. It looked enormously more. My allowance was an astonishing 46kg excluding hand baggage. I have never had so much, note to self - fly Air India again if needing to do some new wardrobe shopping. Of course, I saved up my mental shopping credits for this trip, bearing in mind that none of the clothes I had before fit me at all, having lost almost as much as my baggage allowance. Looking at the two stuffed suitcases, I imagined them attached to me and realised quite how much smaller I must be now. It’s always difficult to feel different because always you feel like you and the change is gradual, but when faced with almost the amount of kilos of lard lost repackaged as shirts, saucepans and chilli powder, the reality hits home. It was with astonishment and not some little dismay, therefore that I discovered that my total kiloage was only 31kg - not only far short of my allowance, but also actually less than I have lost. I would have to imagine an extra couple of tawa pans strapped to my bum. Of course, the fat was distributed everywhere , having more or less run out of places to go, and my sister has since mourned the demise of my Poggibonsi (fathead). The good news is that there was a Shoppers Stop at Bangalore airport, but I didn’t get 15kg of extra presents just because I could.

This trip has been a fine one, but there have been moments of great sadness. Not because of what has happened here, because everything has been immensely positive and proactive, but because I have so often thought of Dad. One of the reasons I love India so much is because of her exceptional spirit of possibility and the very high amusement index. Although India is also oppressive, very oppressive, to many, there is, underlying everything, such an astonishing sense of potential. Despite how difficult life can be for so many of the population, there is amazing hope. It seems strange that a culture which seems so fatalistic, can so palpably take its destiny into it’s own hands. Wherever you go there is evidence of this. Someone reminded me of the man sitting on the side of the road selling shoes. But he only had 2 pairs. His belief that a customer who happened to want a size 7 black moccasin should walk past his “shoe stall” keeps him going there every day. And, judging by the things that people buy on the trains and at traffic jams, sold by members of apparent consortia, usually of blind people, perhaps blinded in order to gain entry to the employment program and evidence of India’s cruelty to her people, it may be that he gets daily customers who know where to get a fine, and cheap, pair of size 7 black moccasins. This spirit of India is identical to that possessed by Dad and so much in evidence during his last few months. Despite the cruelty of the cancer and the disintegration of his physical health, his suppleness of spirit (beautifully described by my cousin), courage, hope and positivity was manifest for all to experience and wonder at. He was selling his own two pairs of shoes and it is a cruelty that in the end, despite his hope, it was not enough. India, for this reason, and also for her history in which he was so fascinated, her abundant humour - so many stories I could have told him on my return - and the changes in all the work I have been doing - he would have been so interested to hear how the projects have progressed - all these embody Dad. It feels as if I have been on a pilgrimage to his soul and it has been sad, but beautiful.

Here are some photos from the whole experience.

The beautiful countryside around RUHSA. Cycling up the hill to the Temple offers a stunning view of the plains. Coconut plantations and fields as far as the eye can see.

The elderly centre run at Ramapuram. This is owned by the local village,established and run by two SHGs for twice as many people as the ones that RUHSA runs. They even managed to persuade the local politicians to spruce up their building, shich they did an excellent job of!

A little girl at the Pachaikilli Play Centre and Elderly welfare centre run by Bishopston, in Bristol, who started the Play centre and were moved to combine it with an elderly centre when they saw the one at Keelalathur.

A chameleon trying to be a stick.

Cramming the last few things in

It has been one of the busiest visits I have had at RUHSA even counting the time I successfully managed to squeeze a 5000km road trip to the Himalayas in between village visits. RUHSA is such a busy, active and productive place nowadays that there is so much to see and do. In addition, my time at Celine's was also busy, although I was no longer doing the Karuna Niwas website, which appears to be down. Grrr. A good example of paternalism not working, I feel. Quite annoyed by that, but will choose a time apart from his wedding to discuss it with Sudhir. Anyway, there are a few interesting things going on with Celine too, namely that she wants to develop the Spoken English language classes which are apparently successful and so it was timely that I should be spending time with current & retired teachers, which is what Victoria's family seems to consist of mainly. I am hoping that Caroline, who was absolutely lovely and enthusiastic, will be able to liaise with Celine and develop a link with her school from which both will benefit. Hopefully, students wanting a year off can spend 3 months with Celine teaching all kinds of people spoken English. It will be even better if I don't have to organise it because I am at capacity and I don't have any direct links myself anyway. So fingers crossed that will work.

At RUHSA over the last few days I have been cycling around like a loony (and receiving a response in kind from the villagers as I whizz by) going on field visits with the OT and visiting the increasing numbers of elderly centres as well as meeting the women of the PLF and SHGs who are very very interested in developing social welfare projects in their areas as discussed previously, with capital input (as opposed to income stream) from the UK charity. In addition I heard about a farmer's club which is being started using an interest free-loan from another UK charity to buy cows, which the farmers club members will pay back and the money will also be used to fund social welfare programs as well. The OTs field visits are part of the community based rehabilitation program which is trying to tackle the overwhelming problem of adults and children with mental health needs. The most visible part of the iceberg of this particular problem are children with learning difficulties and psychotic adults, but of course, mental health needs go much deeper and farther than that, not least extending to the care-givers of this very disabled & dysfunctional group of people who tend to require 24/7 & difficult input. It's early days and the problem seems to be beyond the scope of what is set up now, but little by little we can develop and evolve it into something which provides a wider benefit than it can possibly do so at the moment.

So we have some clear plans in place and expectations to be delivered in January when I or Richard, or indeed both revisit with a view to setting up the funding for the next years donations. For the first time there is a real sense of iterative progress rather than serendipitous change and it's good.

Final Wedding Photos

After the main ceremony, Victoria's friends and family had a lovely few hours to lounge by the pool and cloud-bathe whilst waiting for the evening do. Victoria's family are lovely. Her mum & Dad came, whom I had met in Jaipur all those years ago, but also her sister about whom I had heard a lot and who was as lovely as expected, her partner, Brian and her foster daughter, Ebony (of henna fame), as well as her fun cousin Caroline and Caroline's extremely popular nephew, Charlie, whom everyone adored, especially the young children, mainly because he horseplayed around with them endlessly, swinging them above his head, carrying them on piggy back and generally mucking about. I spent a wonderful afternoon chatting to them all, making new connections and I hope to be able to see them again at Victoria's English wedding when I return. Meantime, here are the last of the photos.

Victoria & her sister by the pool

Victoria & me by the pool (still no blooming tan)

Sorry about the blurriness, but I wanted to show the whole & final outfit. This is Emma, Ebony & Caroline

Charlie mucking about with the kids (and a not-so-kid)

Victoria's family (minus Brian)

A lovely one of me with the bride & her new husband....

...until I revealed that he (inadvertently, apparently) had his hand on my arse.

Wedding Weekend

Back in the tranquility of RUSHA after a frenetic weekend in Bangalore, dashing hither and thither for the various wedding related activities during which Sudhir & Victoria tied the knot, and in a hindu ceremony there really is a knot tying moment. Victoria & I met in a Haveli in Jaipur in January 2007 where she & I were both taking our parents, who were visiting their relocated daughters, around the golden triangle in the North of India. The Haveli, which is a hotel converted from an old Persian Town House, was a lovely building with islamic architectural features, including a courtyard and decorative stonework and was run as if it still were an old Persian townhouse. We were treated like house guests, all those staying dining with the family at night in the communal dining room. Victoria & I discovered that despite being 1000km from where we lived, we were in fact practically neighbours in the South of India, her being in Bangalore and I, in Vellore a mere 4 hour train ride away, which is nothing when considering distance in India. We also discovered that we had many other things in common, although a Brahmin fiance was not one of them - only Victoria had one of those -  so we became and have stayed good friends, spending much time together in Bangalore, Kerala and even on one occasion, Cumbria, where she visited on one of her trips home. After 7 years together, Victoria & Sudhir have finally overcome almost all the obstacles which culture, family, religion and India can throw at a transcontinental couple who fall in love and celebrated their wedding over the weekend. It is a small matter of detail that India still has a teeny trump card in that the bureaucracy of getting legal recognition of such a marriage whilst on a tourist visa (the only one Victoria is eligible for) without indulging in huge or indeed any amounts of baksheesh, was overwhelming and truthfully was not resolved before the ceremony, but if ever a public declaration of intent were made, Sudhir & Victoria after three days and four wedding events are more married than most people. It is only a matter of time and because Victoria quite rightly wants to make sure that it is legit in EVERY sense, so no illicit channels are being used, much to the disappointment of the cogs in the bureaucratic wheels.

The events kicked off on Saturday with a warm up party. Sudhir's family being Brahmin, neither eat meat nor drink alcohol. So the actual wedding itself would be a dry, vegetarian occasion, with potentially no music. Victoria was worried about the ability of people to mingle cross-culturally for the first time with only tender coconut juice as lubrication to the default Indian melodic background sound of frogs informing the world as to their mating intents, so they decided to have a warm up ceremony with booze and music to get the party started, which indeed it did. It was a light-hearted fun evening, with Sudhir's friends enthusiastically teaching the English visitors how to screw in the lightbulb to a loud, pulsing Indian beat. I am delighted to introduce outfit number one (for me, of course), a pale, powder blue chudidhar & pant suit, with silver highlights and beaded detail. Victoria looked lovely too.

On sunday, there was the Mendhi Event. This is the Hindu tradition of covering the bride's arms and legs with intricately patterned henna, a stains which lasts for for weeks. It is an occasion for women only, although a couple of men did sneak in, and it starts with the women in the bridegrooms family conducting a pooja (blessing) for the bride. This entails lots of turmeric & red sandal paste being rubbed into the hair parting, forehead, cheeks, feet and various other places, with yellow dyed rice being chucked here about the place, jasmine flowers placed in the hair and lots of walking around either chanting, or, because this is modern India, answering the many, many calls which came through any one of the dozens of mobile phones attending with their owners. Once the pooja is over, the bride settles down for the henna paste artistry. This takes four hours. Luckily Victoria is big into yoga and meditation, so sitting still for so long for her was not too arduous; she managed it all with great dignity, dressed in her sari and still with rice and cumin seeds (not, as I erroneously heard, human seeds) in her hair and without smudging the henna paste before it dried.

 

The house was full of bustling people, some of whom were also having much less extensive henna applied, there was food and tea and juice, all of which had to be hand fed to Victoria because she was unable to use any of her limbs. There was a lovely atmosphere and it allowed more mingling between the women. The two girls doing the henna were somewhat overwhelmed by the numbers and so there was not time for them to do my hands, but Victoria's sister's foster daughter was keen to have a bash and she did a great job on me.

On monday morning, the wedding ceremony took place in the garden of a beautiful resort, under a traditional Mandap, decorated with jasmine flowers, marigolds, banana leaves and roses, which completely covered every inch including the roof. There was a lovely Indian lady official (can't remember what it is called) who conducted the service in Sanskrit and translating & explaining the significance of it for the guests, and a priest chanted the vows which are beautiful. In a traditional Hindu wedding, a knot is tied between the brides sari shawl & the husbands kurta or dhoti, they perform the Saptapadi - seven steps around the Holy Fire, Agni, the deity who is the chief witness to the marriage. These seven steps, starting with the right foot, correspond to seven vows the couple take. The seven vows vary from state to state, but they incorporate the ideas of being blessed with strength in their relationship, a happy family life, riches in all ways, happiness, honesty & integrity, honour each other and above all be good friends. It was wonderful having the translation of not only the vows but also of the symbolic actions. I am sure Victoria was glad to discover that the reason she had honey & curd smeared all over her face was to represent the ability to sweeten any sour notes within their marriage. Victoria's mother symbolically placed her daughters foot on a rock to symbolise that she was giving her to her husband and showing her the strength of their future partnership.

My outfit? A black & gold number with diamante sandals (same ones as from saturday to be truthful...)

(Me & Celine)

Still one event to go, more later....